Have you ever just sat and pondered your life to date, really slowed down to try and understand the decisions you have been confronted with or had to make. Like the famous poem by Robert Frost where he states "two roads diverged in the woods and I, I took the one less traveled by and it has made all the difference". We are always confronted with decisions and for the past 10 years my life has seen some drastic changes, relocation's and many characters from around the world who came into my life to either challenge me, teach me a lesson, guide me, support me or to make a quick cameo where I wished there was just more time to get to know them better. Life is fast, things move faster then we think they do and we barely slow down to embrace a moment, even in a sad or frustrating moment, we don't always appreciate the lesson we must learn to get to know ourselves better.
I use to blog back in the day reviewing movies, talking about my travels and then the writer's block hit me hard, so in this blog I am going to discuss life moments as they come. I am gonna be honest with my feelings and I am going to embrace every moment, the good and the bad as an opportunity to reflect because at the end of the day contentedness, positive thinking, happiness and laughter are some of the things we strive for in life. It is achievable, but one thing we have learned is that at any moment, things can change, we can be challenged by decisions - often tough decisions that will impact the path we are on; however, the goal is to live with no regrets, head down the new path confidently and know within yourself that all will be alright because something or someone new will enter your life to again allow you to reflect on your decision and choices.
I finally, allowed myself to take that opportunity to slow things down and try to get back in touch with who I am. This past summer, I went backpacking to Europe with a couple of friends and I will tell you something right now, back packing in your 20's is much different then in your 30's #midthirtiesbackpacker. Everything you remember as being no problem, now posed reflective moments. From competing for shower time with a push knob that provided 3 minutes of luke warm water, to sharing bathroom space with random strangers, to the crappy mattresses that destroy your body, to the late night travelers that enter the room and wake everyone in their 2 hours of attempted REM, to the stinky towels and rationing of underwear, to the sometimes friendly/awkward exchange with a random stranger that you will only know for one night, to the constant worrying about your passport and credit cards, and finally my favourite the absolutely no air conditioning in plus 30 weather #hostellife. Naturally, there is so much more I could discuss, but as I write, I will continue to tell travel stories and all these instances will painfully jump out at you, much life my weak attempts to jump off the top bunk and hurt my knee, maybe it will be interesting to the reader.
To start things off, I want to discuss 4 key things that happened on this trip that allowed me to deeply think about myself and about my life, these were moments on the trip when everything made sense and I felt relaxed and full of personal perspective.
1.) DEEP THOUGHT: In England, the fellas and I went on a trip to Dover to see the cliffs. This is where the English Channel is with the North Sea and is a setting for the recently released movie Dunkirk about the British civilian rescue of the stranded British soldiers in World War 2, amazing bravery was displayed by locals on their boats in saving many men in the war, please go watch the movie #dunkirk.
As we walked near the beach, I told the fellas I was just gonna lay down on the very rocky beach while they continued to walk. As I laid there watching the North Sea, I drifted off into a deep sleep for a half hour apparently with no cares that everyone around me was a perfect stranger and in that moment of complete relaxed state I just did not care.
I dreamt about my decision to switch careers, a transition that can be challenging for any person, I thought about the responsibility that I will undertake, I thought about how I had managed CMARD at the City of Lethbridge and I thought about myself and the time I have put in to ensuring I pleased everyone. I thought about the negative people that no matter what you do they will never be satisfied, I thought about my beliefs and upbringing and the obstacles I have faced that shaped the person I am today. As I transition in my life, I can safely say as anyone can I am not perfect, and I didn't always make the perfect decisions, but I was passionate and I can safely say that I left that position giving 110% of myself during my time there. I did the very best I could do in 4 years and I look forward to putting 110% of my passion and energy into my next opportunity. I also realized I can't please everyone and that I need to be more content with myself an wave out the negative noise like I did when I use to pitch in baseball, it was a great moment of reflection.
2.) CLOSURE: As I traveled to Leuven by train on July 8th, I was heading back to a place I had studied my Master's degree and a place I had many memories playing American football and with my ex-fiance Hanne. It had been 5 years since I left after my relationship ended and my last time seeing a woman who was my best friend and the love of my life for 9 years. We said good-bye to each other at the Brussels airport with tears in our eyes, trust me not an image you want to hold onto. That afternoon after checking into the hostel, I grabbed a delicious broodje (kaas en hesp) and head down with a slight nervous energy to meet Hanne for a drink. Many a friends had told me it might be a bad idea, but I needed to see her and just say hi. As I approached the Blauwe Kater (the jazz bar) and one of our old hangouts, I saw her, the memories certainly came back and the whole place felt like an enchanted memory of another lifetime. We walked into the Oude Markt and went to one of my favourite pubs De Kroeg and as we got talking there was something very noticeable about her, Hanne was 5 months pregnant and married and her life was amazing.
In this moment I was so happy for her and as we got talking like we never had 5 years between us reminiscing about everything, i realized why I have struggled at relationships. It is because I had lost sight of what I really wanted in a partner and I compromised a lot rather then being patient, it not only got myself hurt, but others hurt as well and I realized that things will happen and I will find that someone if I just be patient and remember what traits I admire in others: kindness, ambition, intelligence, sincerity, loyalty, honesty, empathy and compassion for people. Hanne embraces all those qualities, I am so happy for her and the life she is living and I had this feeling come over me that I am ready for a real relationship with a special someone.
3.) APPRECIATION, SACRIFICE & BRAVERY: I had the opportunity to go on a tour from Paris to the Beaches of Normandy. This has been something I have always wanted to do and even though it was an American tour, so I didn't get to see Juno Beach, I got to go to Utah and Omaha Beach. These were moments of great reflection and absolute awe about what the soldiers went through on the D-Day landings, I collected some sand from Utah Beach and brought it home for my brother, father and friend Jerry.
I remember when I left Belgium in 2009, the Metis were putting up a Red River Cart at Juno Beach to commemorate the many Metis (my family) that went overseas to fight at Juno Beach on the D-Day landings, so I will certainly need to go back, but it was humbling to be on those beaches and see the battle area.
We made a stop at the American cemetery by Omaha Beach and this is when I took a moment to sit on a bench by myself and look out at the rows and rows of young soldiers that gave their lives to fight fascism, stop the extermination of Jewish people and risk their lives to defend their country. War everywhere is tragic, terrible and ugly, in World War 2, the Russians lost 20 million people, it has a substantial impact on future generations of citizens. As I sat there, a tear coming to my eye, I thought about the unbelievable sacrifice to life and the unbelievable bravery that these young people had to have to be dropped on the beaches knowing that death was a likely option. This is that moment when you stare death in the face, conquer your fears and fight for what you believe in. I thought about my Metis ancestors that fought for our rights as Indigenous people in Canada and how that passion, desire and spirit has carried onto me in the present because of these brave family members. I thought if I was in 1885, I would be fighting right there alongside my Metis ancestors, I thought about present challenges and the things that impact my life and thought about those people displaced currently because of war and how tragic there situation must have been. It was a moment that told me to be thankful for what I have, to use my voice to continue advocating for people's rights and to continue to do whatever I can to make the community I live in a stronger place, even when things might get tough.
4.) RELATIONSHIPS: Another moment of deep thought came in Mykonos Greece, it was an in-between travel day, which meant that evening we had to go to the airport and fly to London Gatwick, so as we walked around this majestic city and we headed up a small hill to a spot with a number of old windmills. At this spot, I took a seat at the edge of this wall and as my friends went off to do shopping, I stared out at the Mediterranean Sea, put on my head phones and for almost an hour I just stared sea and thought about the relationships in my life and my time investment into people. I thought about how much I love and am so lucky to have the family I have. I also thought about those that have impacted my emotions negatively and thought about how precious time is and that our time should only be given to those that have a positive impact on your life because these are the amazing people worth investing more time into as it leads to a healthier and happier you. I looked out at the sea and it seemed endless, full of possibilities, surface (because their is just so much more underneath) and powerful.
My thoughts were that I need to invest time in positive thinkers, compassionate and kind people and get to know these people more in-depth and share more of myself with quality people. There is nothing wrong with sharing your feelings/insecurities with people that can handle your emotions. Much like that see, the possibilities of our relationships and who we let into our life is endless, make good decisions and our world will flow forward in great happiness. I thought about this until I was interrupted by a donkey that was right behind me, as I turned my head I was face to face with a donkey, a scary moment indeed, but he was more like Eyeore then donkey from Shrek, maybe he was reading my mind, who knows, but I just wanted to share this as my first post, I promise in the future my writings will not be this long :)
Take time for yourself!!
Roy
